Falling for the one night stand.

Now I know a lot of people take the use of "love" and "liking someone" quite rigid as to its socially-constructed meaning, primarily being the predominant normative presupposition that it requires time to fall in love with someone; ie. the concept of love at first sight is non-existent. (I write this as I ad lib Kylie Minogue).

So regarding the title, I guess "falling" just means "falling for someone" not necessarily falling in love. Heck, I wouldn't even call it love myself. I would say love is developed over time, the moment you go out with someone or are in a relationship with someone, I don't even think that's love yet. I'm not sure how I would define love, probably because I know that I haven't yet had my first love. I've had a lot of likes, lusts and lingering affections, but I've never experienced love.

Anyway, besides that conversational tangent, let's get back to the main focus of my post today which is gaining feelings for someone you have a one night stand with. Now obviously this won't be a scenario or necessarily reflective of what the regular person or midnight lustrous perceives, it certainly has not happened to me before with my numerous sexual escapades, but this is something that has recently occurred to me. So take this from a narrative and personal perspective.

So I met this guy at a club that knows some of my friends, immediately making out on the dance floor and me vivaciously perusing him as to the extent of his inclination to retreat back to his place to bang, I thought "dang, this guy is hot". I was in that mood. It had been a while for me to have any sexual experience with a guy, and quite frankly, I needed to get laid. (Of course again, read this with a personal perspective, even though this may not be your preferred method of sexual relieving one's self).

Only when we were leaving the club and stopped making out to get a taxi did I finally talk to him, getting his name and trying to give off this facade that I'm actually not a slut (I think it's because it may be a bit of a turn off for some), we were engaging in great banter and conversation.

So yeah, we had sex.

And then we continued to spoon, cuddle and then both slept.

I had woken up with his arms around me and vice versa. It was in the morning that I didn't have this feeling of regret, nor did I have a feeling of the relief that I finally got laid. But I was like "wow, this guy was great". Not just in bed, but by how he acted in bed.

I guess it should be customary for people you have intercourse with to respect your wants and needs and obviously not do things without your consent, but I don't know how to explain it. He was gentle, and soft, and diligent. He wasn't awkward in the morning, we continued talking even proceeding to get the train together and continue talking. For example, about the friends in common we had etc.

It's only now that like 4 days later that this guy has been on my mind every day that maybe I am gaining feelings for this guy. I actually want to see him again. The moment you see a one night stand again, it doesn't become a one night stand. It either eventuates into:

1. A two night stand.
2. A one night stand turning into a date.

And of course the list continues on from wherever the last branch was.

Some people pursue one night stands and random, casual sex as means of tallying up or purely for the sake of it, placing minimal moral value on sex. But it's weird because, that is me at times. I don't really care about the ethics of random and casual sex. It's pleasurable, and something I think everyone should be able to loosen up and experience. But it's undeniable that during intercourse itself, although purely sexual, emotions are still in play. You're not going to have sex with someone you're not sexually attracted to, at least physically to say the least. You're not going to lay there while you're being brutally penetrated not thinking "man this guy is hot" or "his body feels so good" and so forth. It is still an opinion and emotion. And the susceptibility for one to infiltrate sexual emotion into love and affection is something which is highly catalytic in someone's ability to fall for someone they have a one night stand with.

Deep down I know it's a recipe for disaster, ie. me hoping to meet this guy again for a date. It has happened once before where I didn't end up meeting a one night stand I had felt similarly (but not to such a great extent as this) with, only to be telling myself "I told you that you would get hurt".

But what is it? It's the concept of masquerading and facading to avoid unlimited exposure to one's inner emotional sphere, purely for the sake of minimising embarrassment or looking like an idiot.

It's like, imagine if the morning after you told them you liked them? They would just look at you and be like, but how do you know that? It's the inability of another person to fully comprehend another's innate feelings in such a limited amount of time. So maybe by that very virtue it is impossible, non-sensical, or at the minimum non "definitional" to be falling for someone after a one night stand.

But I guess I'll have to see how it goes, and so be it, I get tricked a 2nd time, but I guess it'll be another stepping stone on my not-so-yellow brick road to ascertaining my own capabilities sexually and amorously.